The Past

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taken at my parent's property

As the famous movie quote from The Lion King says,

"What does it matter, it's in the past?"

But does it matter? 

From the very beginning of our lives, we're taught to let go of the past, not stress about the future, but rather live in the present. While I believe this to be true in theory, it is simply unrealistic.

The past does matter, because it's a part of how we grow and change...it becomes a part of us, whether we want it to or not. Some past experiences we want to remember and cherish forever. We may look back and wish we could relive the birth of a loved one or the wedding of our best friend's (I know I sure do!) 

But there's also past experiences we wish we could forget...

simply erase from our memories because it's too painful to recall.

And although these experiences are in the "past",

they stay with us...sometimes so deep in our subconscious that we aren't even aware of them...

until all of a sudden one day, it's there...like a smack to the face.

This is a skill (or lack-thereof) that I've mastered in my (almost) 26 years of life.

As a coping mechanism, I learned to subconsciously "shove" any painful past experiences so far down, that I on a daily basis, forget that it had ever even happened. 

I think our brain sometimes shuts things out in order to keep pushing forward

...to keep fighting the uphill battle. 

It has been one of my main goals over the past year or so,

to let these past experiences come to the surface...

to allow me to confront them...and then move on from them.

It's been quite astonishing how much of my past I never dealt with...

how much pain, anger, hurt, and resentment I still have...

whether it were due to individuals or events.

I'm not going to lie and say that I don't think of 

certain people...

certain situations...

certain events...

and cringe at the very thought of them.

This isn't meant to be a pity party, as I blog for myself ...
and this is my outlet sometimes.

(but I am also very happy when I see people enjoying what I write as well!)

The simple fact is that there's a lot of people who suck..

And that don't realize the impact that they could have on another person. 

but sometimes I need to just get angry and sad and upset...

And stop self-inflicting due to people and situations that were completely out of my control.

My coping mechanism has always been to blame myself.

I must be inadequate.

I must be unworthy.

I must be deserving of whatever I have gotten.

It's taken me 26 years to realize that that's simply

bull shit!

You cannot blame yourself for someone else's actions.

That's on them!

For anyone out there that has held onto anger, hurt, or resentment,

it's time to let it go!

People, situations, and events are always going to happen.

If you're a good person and you wake up every morning trying to live the best life you can live,

then that's all that matters.

My mother used to always say to me,

"Remember Who You Are..."

and that's all I can ever do.

(Disclosure: I'll admit, this is a bit of a rant, as I've been bringing forth many experiences of my past that has not been brought to the surface in years. Thankfully I am truly blessed with the most unbelievable, selfless, loving, and incredible people!You know who you all are...and I love you dearly!)

Wisdom Wednesday

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I haven't posted my weekly words of wisdom in awhile.
Here's some words to inspire you on this beautiful fall day.

My man, The Buddha. Sometimes I feel like if I keep "trying" to be happy, I finally will  be.
 But  the only way to truly find happiness is to embrace the journey. 

This resonates with me (just as the first quote does)
Sometimes we're so eager to wish days away , waiting for a "better" day to come along...
but the more you wish for better days...the more you miss out on what's happening right in front of you.

I have no wish to have an ordinary life. 

Life is constantly changing and evolving...and it will never happen the way you imagine it to happen. But that's  life. If we knew all that was in store for us, what would be the point of living?

Words to remember. Digging it deeper isn't going to help...

Things get set into motion for a reason. If I hadn't chosen certain choices, had my heartbroken, or made decisions I regret...I could have never met the love of my life. The past was worth it, because I have him!

I've always been careful what I believe of people, because trusting people's words too easily can leave you in despair. Protect your heart, but love with all your heart. 

7 Questions Link Up

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photo booth fun with my best friends. we're special.

1. Who is your celebrity doppelganger?

I personally don't think I look like anyone, but the person I've been told the most is Kristen Cavallari.

2. What's the farthest you've ever been from home?

Ecuador. My sister-in-law is from there and that's where my brother and her got married. :)

3. Fill in the blank: Fall ________

is my second favorite season (spring being #1)

4. Would you rather have arms so long they touched the ground or feet the same length as your legs?

Well if your feet were as long as your legs, you'd probably not be able to walk. So I'll go with arms so long they touched the ground.

5. What's the first thing you do in the morning?

Well, I don't do it...but my girls attack me the minute I get up. It's like a new day has started and they can't wait for it to begin (we should all take a lesson from dogs) It's very quite sweet!

6. Apple Cider or Hot Chocolate?

Apple Cider...preferably a hard apple cider (ie Strongbow or Crispin...if you've never tried either, you are missing out!)

7. Would you rather start your life over (baby) or jump to the end of it (death)?

Start over, but only if I can take all that I've already learned. Starting over without being able to take all that I've already learned sounds atrociously exhausting.

Click below if you want to join too!

Home Sweet Home Wisconsin

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I hadn't made it home to my parents in quite awhile due to my chaotically hectic schedule,

but every time I make it home, I feel so at peace.

I grew up on 200 acres...

where you can sit outside and just listen to nothingness. 

All you can hear sometimes is the crickets chirping,

the birds singing, and the trees blowing in the wind.

Although I may be a city girl at heart,

nature will always have a special place to me. 

Gingered Sweet Potato and Carrot Soup

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I found this delicious recipe on {Women's Health Magazine} 

and it sounded too good not to share! This sounds perfect for a chilly fall night... 

and it's only 127 calories per serving! 

I will be making this!

WHAT YOU NEED:

• 1 TBSP Olive Oil
• 1 Medium Onion, Chopped
• 1 C Low-Sodium Chicken or Vegetable Stock
• 1 Medium Sweet Potato, Peeled and Diced
• 5 Large Carrots, Peeled and Sliced
• 1 TBSP Jarred Ginger, Chopped
• Plain Non Fat Greek-Style Yogurt (Optional)

DIRECTIONS: 

1. Heat oil in large saucepan. Add onion and cook until soft, about 2 to 3 minutes. Add stock plus 2 cups water, then add sweet potato, carrot, and ginger. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer until vegetables are tender, about 15 minutes.

2. Strain out vegetables and put them in a food processor or blender. Puree until smooth, adding a bit of broth if needed. (If you're using a standard blender, allow the mixture to cool first; hot liquid may cause the blender to squirt out contents. Depending on the size of your blender, you may have to do this in batches.)

3. Pour vegetable puree back into the saucepan and stir until well blended and smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve with a dollop of yogurt on top, if desired.

Serves: 4 | Prep: 15 min | Cook: 30 min | Total: 45 min |Calories: 127 per serving

{Enjoy!}

Fashion to FALL For

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gorgeous fall tree taken near Lake Calhoun in Minneapolis

Some Fall inspiration I've stumbled upon Pintrest lately. . .

As Of Late {Instagram Style}

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This past weekend was the first completely free weekend I've had in quite awhile...

I had planned to be the laziest person I could possibly be and just revel in doing absolutely 

nothing...

But that obviously didn't happen.

 {if you know me you know it's hard for me to sit still for long.}

It ended up being quite the busy weekend!

On Friday night, Andrew and I got invited to the MN Twins game 

with his best friend and his girlfriend. It was such a beautiful fall night!

Saturday, Andrew's aunt was visiting from Colorado, so Andrew's mom and aunt came to Minneapolis to walk around the city.  

i absolutely LOVE fall.

a view of Downtown Minneapolis. I love my city!

andrew and bell strolling across the bridge.

my family :)

Then on Sunday we went to Andrew's friend's parents house to watch the MN Vikings play.

his parents backyard is sick!

grilling time!

there was a total of 5 dogs there! zo zo got tuckered out and passed out on her daddy's lap :)

after the game, we headed out to andrew's parent's house for dinner with his grandparents and aunt. i love their backyard :)

Now back to tackle yet another week! 

Bring it on!